Unlike most limits checklists, which have spots for basic info at the top of the limits list, I created a separate tab just for information. In the BDSM limits checklist I designed, Erotically Empowered Limits List™, I also included spots for gender pronouns, sexual orientation, Erotic Blueprint™ design, and an emergency contact. The first and absolutely most basic thing to look for (or to include) in your limits list is a spot for basic info: name, scene name, health considerations, trauma triggers. Whether you’re purchasing a pre-existing template, using one you’ve found on the internet, or creating your own, this information is invaluable. As I began introducing people to kink and BDSM, I quickly realized the best BDSM limits checklist really would have even more features.īelow, I highlight the top things to look for or include in a limits list. Then, I thought recording my interest in giving and receiving certain activities was enough. At first, I thought it was enough that it had lots of items and was comprehensive. That’s what prompted my search for the best BDSM limits checklist available.Īt the time, I had NO idea how to initiate conversations about kink with my partner, and I also didn’t know what to look for in a limit list. When I first started exploring kink/BDSM in 2015, I wanted to know what I enjoyed. You can find Sunny Megatron on TikTok, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and Patreon. Currently, she’s working on her first book, “Customizable Kink: A Strategic Guide to Adult Play.” Sunny’s passion is helping others overcome shame and find power through play and pleasure. In her sell-out workshops, her unique brand of “edutainment” seamlessly combines her humorous lecturing style, interactive exercises, and the latest sexuality research. Known for her one-of-a-kind build-your-own-adventure approach to sex, kink & relationships, Sunny coined the BDSM community catch-phrase, Kink is Customizable™. Sunny was also named XBIZ Sexpert of the Year 2021 and is Editor-in-Chief of Zipper Magazine.
She’s the host and executive producer of the Showtime original television series, SEX with Sunny Megatron, plus co-hosts AASECT Award winning American Sex Podcast and Open Deeply Podcast. Sunny Megatron is an award-winning BDSM & Certified Sexuality Educator, Certified Relationship Coach, and media personality. Which non-binary BDSM titles and honorifics are your favorites? Let us know on Twitter ! Additionally, this list of general gender-neutral & queer titles, this Nonbinary Wiki page, or Sinclair Sexmith’s Sugarbutch Nonbinary Honorific Terms for a Dominant might come in handy too. It’s difficult to come up with alternatives when you don’t have many examples to draw from.īelow is my list of non-binary BDSM honorifics for you to take from or use as inspiration when crafting your own. We hear terms like Sir, Mam, baby girl, or house boy, on a continuous loop. Other times, we’re just … STUCK – honorificless with zero inspiration or representation that transcends beyond the binary. Sometimes we use pet names that have personal significance. Plenty of people make up their own genderless BDSM honorifics and titles. We get to custom-craft our own identity, relationship protocols, sex life, and temporary reality in whatever way makes us feel good (including when asking partners to consensually & thoughtfully make us feel bad is what ultimately makes us feel good ). The point of kink, BDSM, and fetish play is to tap into an existence where we no longer have to tolerate what doesn’t fit. The visceral connection those terms have to default-world gender roles can feel invalidating, demoralizing, or trigger dysphoria – akin to being repeatedly misgendered during our most vulnerable, intimate moments. My workaround, however, isn’t a good fit for everyone, including many genderqueer people. As a general identity, I’m a Dom, not a Domme. In my case, as a hard femme D-type, having my s-types call me “Sir” or “Daddy” makes me feel subversive, powerful, and euphoric. That leaves a little wiggle room for some of us to break what feels like unspoken honorific rules. In the world of kink, genderfuckery is encouraged. You’re allowed to identify however you want and use whatever name suits you – including not using a special BDSM pet name or title at all.įor those who choose to use honorifics, there aren’t many obvious options for folx whose gender falls outside the binary or who don’t jibe with traditional BDSM titles.
It’s important to remember that kink is customizable and titles are never required. Also known as an honorific, the most frequently used are heavily gendered – Sir, Mistress, boy, Daddy, Mommy, good girl, Master, Domme, princess, etc. For many kinksters, BDSM names and titles are a significant part of our identity and D/s dynamics.